Mismatched Libidos: How to Navigate Sex Drive Differences

Sex plays an essential part in the relationship of many couples. However, it is not uncommon for two partners to have different libido levels, meaning that one will want to have sex more frequently than the other. While this can be a serious issue for some, leaving them unsatisfied with their relationship and even considering ending it, others manage to navigate differences in their sex drive pretty successfully. But how is this even possible?

If you and your partner have mismatched libidos, there are a few things you can do to deal with them while remaining empathic to each other. Aside from openly discussing your sex life to set mutual expectations, you can try extending foreplay time, experimenting with other forms of intimacy, or even scheduling your sex, among other things. Continue reading to find out how to cope with mismatched sex drives.

Experiment with Other Forms of Intimacy

One way to deal with mismatched sex drives is by experimenting with other forms of intimacy. For example, instead of rushing toward intercourse, you could try other types of sexual activities that will get you both in the mood. You can also try making out, or cuddling, or even watching porn together to help get the engine running.

Mutual masturbation can be another helpful technique that will allow both of you to get more comfortable with each other before the intercourse itself. You can enhance this experience by using a bullet vibrator or one of the male masturbation toys.

Alternatively, if you have a higher sex drive, try to see if your partner is interested in adding different things to your routine to make it more exciting. For example, instead of the same position over and over again, you could try different ones, or perhaps even use sex toys together to explore each other’s bodies.

Communicate with Each Other

As is the case in most areas of life, communication is the key to navigating sex drive differences. The first step to take is to openly discuss each other’s needs and desires, as well as the reasons behind them, in order to determine whether or not they are reasonable. If you both agree that one of you has lower libido, try to find out why this is the case. For example, if your partner was previously in an abusive relationship, they may associate sex with fear, which may lead to a lack of sexual desire.

Alternatively, if you have a higher sex drive than your partner, ask yourself why you want to have sex more often than your partner does. Perhaps you feel insecure about something and need reassurance that your partner still finds you attractive? Aside from talking about it together, you can also talk to a therapist or visit a sex therapist for assistance.

Extend Foreplay Time

No matter what your libido level may be, it is essential to set expectations for each other when it comes to sex. This means that instead of expecting either partner to immediately go down on the other after inserting a condom or having vaginal intercourse, you should instead expect something less intense, such as cuddling or kissing. You can then move on to more intimate acts once you both feel comfortable and turned on.

That said, if one of you has a higher sex drive, you might want to try talking to your partner about why they are not interested in anything but intercourse. Some people are more comfortable taking their time, while others get easily aroused and want to get to the good stuff. If you feel like your partner isn’t interested in having sex at all, it may be time to reconsider your relationship.

Schedule Your Sex

As the saying goes, “practice makes perfect.” This applies to sex, especially if one or both of you have a lower sex drive. If you find yourself not wanting to have sex often, try scheduling it for specific days and times to help you get into the mood. You can also schedule it for just before or just after an important event that you want to be sexually active, such as a significant date or business meeting.

When scheduling sex, don’t just stick to the same time every day. If you’re tired, don’t feel like having sex, or just don’t feel like it, don’t force yourself to do so. Schedule it for another day, and perhaps try to make it memorable by having dinner together first or lighting some candles.

Final Thoughts

Sex drive differences between partners is a common issue in relationships, but you can deal with it by openly communicating your needs and desires, setting expectations for each other, and experimenting with different types of intimacy. You can also schedule sex or have a “special” time to have it. 

While it may be challenging to navigate these differences at first, you will get used to them with time and may even find that you enjoy the extra attention and cuddling. It is important to remember that there is no right or wrong when it comes to having sex. It is all about what you want and need, so don’t be afraid to ask for it.